How to Gently Expose a Child to Their Fears

As caregivers, it's natural for us to want to shield our children from anything that causes them distress. When a child expresses fear of a place, object, or experience, we may instinctively avoid it altogether. But what if we know the situation is safe, and we want to help our child gently overcome their fear?

This is where slow, compassionate exposure can make a big difference. Below, we’ll share some tips and examples for supporting children through fear, at their own pace. Take what works for you and your child, and leave the rest.

A Common Example: Fear of the Playground

Let’s take a common fear, being scared of the playground. For many children, the equipment can seem overwhelming at first: the noise, the height, the unpredictability. Here’s a slow and gentle approach to helping them grow comfortable and confident in this space.

Step 1: FamiliarizationStart by simply being near the playground. Carry your child or stay close while walking around the equipment. Smile, talk, and interact with other children and caregivers nearby. This helps your child learn, through your calm and positive presence, that the playground is a safe and fun place.

Step 2: Exploration Through TouchNext, gently encourage your child to touch parts of the playground like a slide, swing, or climbing structure. You can demonstrate by touching these yourself first. If your child isn’t ready to touch right away, that’s completely fine. This step can take time.

Step 3: Introducing MovementA big milestone is introducing the swing. While holding your child, let them watch you push the swing and see how it moves. Reassure them that it’s safe and fun. 

Step 4: Joining InOnce your child is comfortable, show them you’re having fun by going down the slide or swinging yourself. Eventually, invite your child to join you, maybe sitting on your lap as you slide or swing together. 

Step 5: Enjoy the Playground

This is the most rewarding step. Once your child feels safe and confident, let them lead the play. Whether they’re climbing, swinging, or sliding on their own, this is the moment to celebrate their courage and growth. Stay nearby for support, but let them explore and enjoy at their own pace.

Keep in mind, this is a gentle journey that may take days, weeks, or even months. Supporting a child through fear requires patience, empathy, and lots of understanding. Every child moves at their own pace, and progress might look different each day. What matters most is honoring your child’s comfort level and creating positive, reassuring experiences along the way.

You’ve got this and your child does too.